Friday, December 01, 2006

Score Card – Progress Iraq: 0. Too many words, no action. No leadership from Bush. No leadership from Democrats. This mess remains stuck in neutral. Who has the guts to stand up and say, “That’s it! It’s over. We’re coming home.”

Google Time Warner? With its stock through the roof at $500 plus and the 14th largest market cap of all corporations in the U.S., it’s time for Google to buy a major corporation. Can a Google Time Warner be far away?

Darth Dick & The King: In less time than it takes to shoot off his friend’s face, Cheney bops off to Saudi Arabia for afternoon tea with fellow oil mogul, King Abdullah, to figure out how to not loose the war in Iraq: read keep the Iranians and Syrians the hell out of Baghdad. Also read: if Halliburton’s stock tanks as a result of taking a big hit in Iraq, DD’s pension plan will be in the toilet.

Benedict 16. Pope Benny’s trip to Turkey this week is not a battle of Christianity versus Islam; that would be George W. Christ’s misguided mission. Pope Benny merely wants to recapture Orthodox Catholics that have been separated from mother church for a millennium or so. The Muslims, however, fear Benny might also try to reclaim hallowed Muslim ground for Catholicism and are making a lot of noise because of this and a few Muhammad nasties Benny let fly back in IX/MMVI.

Hermitage vs. Gazprom No contest. The Kremlin’s Gazprom wins. Gazrpom, Russia’s oil monopoly and fourth largest company in the world with a market capitalization of $250 billion, wants to build a string of palaces, er, office buildings, in St. Petersburg that will be three times higher than The Hermitage, the home of Russia’s last monarch. St. Petersburg has a zoning law capping all buildings at 157 feet. Nyet problemas, says Gazprom, we’ll change the bylaw. Can you imagine living is a society with a cavalier government and its agencies displaying such a callous disregard for established rules and regulations?

PC, MAC, or Antikythera? Scientists are restudying some seriously gunked up gears, cog wheels, and related pins and pieces discovered a hundred years ago by archaeologists poking around in a sunken Roman ship. There is an accepted hypothesis that these cogs wheels, gears, and pins housed in a rectangular wooden frame with two doors covered in instructions for its use, known as the Antikythera Mechanism, constitute a computer-like device constructed as early as 100-150 BC and used by the Greeks and Romans to display astronomical cycles, planetary info and as a nautical device. An operating manual and toll-free number have not been found.

Civil War? If the last American soldier left Iraq on Friday and civil war broke out on Saturday, would we send our troops barreling back to Baghdad? Do those dying in Iraq care what the punditss decide to call their war? Civil War: oxymoronic or moronic?

Paulson Poison! Under the guise of improving their international competitive position, Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson, Jr. wants to rewrite rules protecting American companies from lawsuits and a host of other evils stacked upon their brittle bones by wicked consumers, i.e., we the people, by creating an impenetrable legal curtain behind which companies can hide. Example: Besides doing cost-benefit studies before adopting new rules, the SEC would have to shield corporate directors from investor lawsuits. If Paulson is really interested in the competitive position of American companies, he might start by taking a hard look at executive pay run amok.

The Finger! Bad enough they want to empty our wallets, now they’re reaching up and taking it right out of our butts. Urologists, the rubber finger people, have a new treatment called I.M.R.T. for intensity modulated radiation therapy that, while effective, may be more profit driven than treatment driven; at upwards of $50,000, I.M.R.T. costs several times more than currently existing treatments.

Polish Joke, er, Fact! Polonium 210, the radioactive chemical element that killed former Russian KGB spy Alexander Litvinenk and sits at the center of a growing international scandal, was discovered in pitchblende in 1898 by Marie Curie and named for her native country, Poland. Just so you know, there is also polonium 208 and 209.

2008 Presidential Election Handicap *

Ranking

Name

Party

6

Obama, Barack – Senator, Illinois

D

5

Clinton , Hillary Rodham – Senator, New York

D

4

Edwards, John – Senator, North Carolina

D

4

McCain, John - Senator, Arizona

R

4

Romney, Mitt - Former Governor, Massachusetts

R

3

Biden, Joe – Senator, Pennsylvania

D

3

Richardson, Bill – Governor, New Mexico

D

2

Brownback, Sam – Senator, Kansas

R

2

Gingrich, Newt - Former House Speaker, Georgia

R

2

Giuliani, Rudy - Former NYC Mayor

R

2

Rice, Condoleeza - Secretary of State

R

2

Thompson, Tommy – Former Governor, Wisconsin

R

2

Vilsack, Tom – Governor, Iowa

D

1

Frist, Bill – Senator, Tennessee

R

1

Hunter, Duncan - Representative, California

R

1

Pataki, George – Governor, New York

R

* Based on Extra Wry’s scale and opinions, which change moment by moment.

1 Delusional; 2 Dreaming; 3 Teasing; 4 Embracing;5 Heavy Breathing; 6 Touching; 7 Petting; 8 Tasting tongue; 9 Groaning; 10 Yes! Yes! Yes!


That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!


Friday, November 17, 2006

Juice?: Is O.J. Simpson trying to make as big a fool of Judith Regan as he did of the criminal justice system? In his ghost-written book, ‘If I Did It,’ being published by Harper Collins imprint Regan Books headed up by Judith Regan, does O.J. confess, as Judith Regan contends, or is he taking Harper Collins and the reading and viewing public (Fox is broadcasting Regan’s interview of O.J. on November 27th and November 29th) on another ride, not to mention what it does to the Goldman and Brown families and Simpson’s two children.

Corporate Crook Update:

  1. Jacob Alexander, former CEO of Converse Technology who fled to Namibia after being charged with options fraud will find out next April if Namibia wants to keep him, likely based on how much money they can shake out of his pockets, or will ship him back to the U.S., likely based on how much the U.S. will pay to have his sorry ass shipped home to face the music. Why does it take six months to decide this? I mean, how lengthy is Namibia’s docket for crooks avoiding extradition?
  2. No RIP! Ken Lay of Enron shame died four months ago and the criminal claim against his estate was astutely set aside by the courts on the basis that he couldn’t defend himself. Now, a bipartisan bill is being promoted by two U.S. congressmen that may end Kenny boy’s RIP, or at least that of his surviving family who face sizeable asset seizures.
  3. Disbarred! Jay I. Gordon, a former senior partner of politically connected Greenberg Traurig, one of the nation’s largest law firms, resigns from the New York Bar for taking kickbacks for steering clients to questionable tax shelters. There is more to this than meets the sty. Stay tuned.

Executives, We Don’t Need No Executives! Borrowing from a line from ‘The Treasure of the Sierra Madre’ and confirming something all working stiffs have known since the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, a corporation (Hewlett-Packard), despite its corporate executive suite being in total disarray, posted sharply increased revenue and made more profit on that revenue.

Chinese Checkers: Through sanctions, the world has been trying for ten years to get the South East Asian country of Myanmar’s oppressive government to care for its citizens, but big neighbor China’s insatiable appetite for Myanmar’s oil ended all that. Isn’t it odd that while China thumbs its nose at world efforts to civilize one of the most oppressive places on earth, U.S. and other western interests are queuing up to invest in China?

Lott’s Lot: Trent Lott, who, four years ago noted that his home state of Mississippi had supported segregationist Strom Thurmond’s 1948 presidential bid and added, “We’re proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn’t have all these problems.” rather than being disgraced and kicked out of politics, has been elected minority whip, the Republican’s second-ranking Senate leadership position. Just how stupid do they think we are?

Job Iraq? What is our ‘job’ in Iraq? Are we interfering in Iraq’s right to self-government, whatever that is? Are we the Brits and the French of 1776 America? Are we supporting one side against the other in a civil war? Are we fighting for the sole benefit of American Oil companies? What does W mean when he says “We won’t win if we quit.”?

Deep in the Heart of…Toyota? It’s official. Tundra, Toyota’s big red-neck pickup truck, will roll out of a new $1.2 billion plan in Texas. Will W be its pitchman like Dole and Viagra? In fact, how much did Texas W being president result in the plant being located in the Lone Star Sate?

Dogfight! US Air might not know how to run an airline, but it knows how to make a scene. Emerging only last year from its second bankruptcy in the past four years, US Air is now going to try to acquire bankruptcy court-protected Delta Airlines for $8 billion. But wait, what’s this: US Air might make a profit this year? Rarefied air indeed. Maybe US Air does know how to run an airline. Will we finally have an airline worthy of the flag? Air US anyone?

Dell Decked? The G-Men are getting serious about Dell’s accounting practices. Dell announced this week that the SEC has started a formal investigation. Dell will delay release of its financial results from Wednesday until the end of this month but refused to release details to investors about what attracted the feds. What about we, the customers? Are we invisible here? Maybe its time to buy a non-Dell.

Lobocratics? As Republican lobbyists head out of Dodge, Democratic lobbyists are riding in; hard, sweating and frothing. Please, if there is a God, anyone’s God, let the buying of our leaders cease, and reveal the boot hill that awaits those who fail us.

2008 Presidential Election Handicap

Republicans

R

Democrats

R

Former NY Mayor Rudy Giuliani

2

Sen Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York

6

Rep. Duncan Hunter of California

0

Barack Obama

6

Sen. John McCain of Arizona

4

Senator Joe Biden from Pennsylvania

2

Condoleeza Rice, Secretary of State

3

Gov. Tom Vilsack of Iowa

2

Tommy Thompson, a former Wisconsin gov

1

Sen John Edwards of North Carolina and former VP candidate

3

Former gov Mitt Romney of Massachusetts

4

Gov Bill Richardson of New Mexico

1

Former gov George Pataki of New York

0



Outgoing Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist of Tennessee

0



Sen. Sam Brownback of Kansas

?



Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich of Georgia

1



0 = Delusional, 1 = Faking It, 2 = Ego Trip, 3 = Money Pit, 4 = Early Withdrawal, 5 = Ultimate Defeat, 6 = Heavy Breathing


That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!

Friday, November 10, 2006

Bagged! Do you purchase foods that say HEALTHY? Hannaford Brothers, a New England grocery chain that sells a lot of ‘healthy’ foods decided to ask the question: Just how healthy is this crap? So it invented its own ‘healthy’ rating system: no star to three stars and plugged in 27,000 of its shelf items. Result: 77% received no stars; most fruits and veggies received three stars as did salmon and Post grape nuts cereal. No comment on bagged spinach.


Ortega, Si! Republicans, No! Ironic that Manuela Ortega, old Marxist enemy of the US and friend of Venezuela’s Chavez, gets elected president of Nicaragua while a lot of W’s boys and girls get the boot.


Saddam Won’t Swing? Doubly ironic if Saddam avoids the death penalty, as a number of European countries demand, while American citizens are commonly sent to the gas chamber.


HedgeHOG Funds? Question: Do hedge funds that short stocks disseminate misleading information on companies for the purpose of driving stock prices down? Maybe, maybe not. Question #2: Are the companies whose stock is being driven down victims or are they looking for a scapegoat? Maybe, maybe not. Moral: There are a lot of shady characters dicking with stock prices – Caveat Emptor!


A Won Won Situation! Now that it has received an offer for $7 billion for 70%, Lee Kang-won, former head of Korean Exchange Bank has been arrested for falsifying the bank’s records, showing it to be in worse condition than reality resulting in a lower price for Lone Star Funds, which three short years ago acquired a 50% stake in the bank for $1.3 billion (1.4 trillion won). Other bank and government officials are targeted, and Dallas-based Lone Star, which stands to pocket $2 billion and record another $1.5 billion in paper profits, might get dragged into the fray kicking and screaming its innocence. Question: Did Lone Star collude with Kang-won to get trillions of won?


Dastardly Don Departs: Supporting his decisions by saying no one but him really understands Iraq’s war, Donald Rumsfeld leaves the Democrats to deal with his mess in a move orchestrated more by James Baker, Secretary of State for George H.W. Bush than by W and Darth Dick. Is Bush I is finally getting a chance to extend his Clinton shortened presidency?


Rove, Rove, Rove Your Boat: Is Karl soon to be set a drift on the unkind seas of unemployed political geniuses? Republican strategist Ken Mehlman is taking a hike January 2007 leaving a lot of bagwash and nausea as the GOP girds its loins for 2008.


Kwan Lands Quad! Skating phenom Michelle Kwan is America’s newest goodwill ambassador. Her job will be to shine a whole lot of positive light on America that the rest of the world can see, double amen to that sister, to talk about setting goals, and to empower women. Her boss in State is a former figure skater. Who is it? (Answer at bottom).


Darth Dick’s Deviousness? Step 1. Cheney’s Halliburton acquires Dresser Industries in 1988 for $7.7 billion. Step 2. Shoddy due diligence by Halliburton soon reveals that Halliburton got screwed. Shortly after, Cheney gets himself appointed VP of ‘we the people,’ and Halliburton starts dumping pieces of Dresser. Step 3. After years of bribing NIGERIAN officials to gain contracts, Kellogg, a Dresser sub still owned by Halliburton, is being investigated by the Justice Department for violations of the foreign corrupt practices act; the Brits have a similar investigation in the works. Step 4. US and other governments, following years of suspected competitor coordinated contract bidding, investigate Kellogg. Step 5 KBR (Kellogg Brown Root), long a drain on Halliburton’s bottom line except for the money it made in Iraq largely on lucrative, no bid contracts, is the major piece of Dresser remaining in Halliburton that Halliburton is now in a big rush to dump because of potential liability from the litany of investigations plus old asbestos claims. Question 1. Did Darth Dick push lucrative, no-bid contracts to KBR to cover up his bungled purchase of Dresser? Question 2. To take the spotlight off Kellogg’s Niger bribery, did Darth Dick shine light on Valerie Plame, CIA spy, after Joe Wilson, her husband and former Ambassador to Gabon in the Bush 1 administration, challenged Cheney on NIGER sales of yellowcake to Iraq?


Corporate Crook Update
1. Enron’s Andrew Fastow, currently serving his six-year sentence in a minimum security prison in Oakdale, LA, the same joint where Bernie Ebbers of WorldCom is cooling his heels for the next twenty-five years, traveled in shackles to Houston to entertain seventy of the world’s top paid lawyers largely representing financial institutions fighting to avoid billions in class action suits filed by former Enron employees, shareholders, and other creditors. The $2.1 million in legal fees, the cost of this Andy show, is hardly a footnote in the hundreds of millions in legal fees billed (earned?) since Enron tanked.


Kleptocracy? A portmanteau of kleptomania and hypocrisy? No, but it could and should be, given that practitioners, many from countries courted by our leaders, D & R alike, are top government officials who, through shady transactions, get filthy rich while those they govern remain unspeakably poor: In Feb. 2007 the US attorney’s office in Manhattan is going to trial in the largest foreign bribery case ever brought against an American citizen, one James H. Giffen, wealthy merchant banker and consultant to Kazakhstan accused of paying $78 million in bribes to Nursultan A. Nazarbayev, president of Kazakhstan, a world leader in the practice of kleptocracy. Why do the Nazarbayevs of the world continue to be royally entertained by our top government officials from the White House on down and corporate bigs like Ted Turner?


Condoleeza Rice was a former competitive figure skater. She is an alumna of the University of Denver where Kwan plans to enroll. Does Michelle Kwan plan on being Secretary of State in say 2032? Or President?


That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!

Friday, November 03, 2006

Bush – Anti-Semantic? Bush talking about the difference between benchmarks and timetables is really nothing more than pushing the blame on the Iraqis for their sad state of affairs. I expect soon the war will be the Iraqi’s fault.

Go Forth and Multiply! Thanks to Uncle Sam restricting Asian condom imports that can be made at half the price, Condom makers in bible belt central, Eufaula, Alabama, despite being hundreds of millions of condoms behind in filling orders (hundred's of millions?), can breathe a sigh of relief; they will keep their subsidized jobs. What that cost is, relative to the cost of an explosion in unwanted births and increased infection from unsafe sex, hasn’t been factored into the equation.

Ta Ta Taurus Some twenty years and seven million cars later the last Taurus chugged from the assembly line in Atlanta. Eighty years earlier, on May 26, 1927, its great, great, great grandfather, the fifteen millionth and last Model T, was made in Highland Park, Michigan. It is interesting to speculate what will be last to roll off a Ford assembly line in another eighty years…perhaps a Ford Toyota.

Elmo Tickles Barbie? TMX Elmo, Mattel’s tenth anniversary Tickle Me Elmo doll producing more tickling sales than expected, has put a smile on Barbie’s face that Ken never accomplished.

Red Meat! Talk about bringing out the jeering jackals and howling hyenas, Kerry misspeak had Rove’s sphincter twitching and salivating as he stormed into the Oval Office with ‘taunting’ sheets for W and Darth Dick and Tony ‘the mouthpiece’ Snow. Surprisingly, they even talked John McCain to stick his square jaw into the fray, one veteran damning the other. For his part, Kerry finally bested Bush by shooting to the top of the Democrats’ most hated list. For our part: same shit, same sandbox.

Baghdad by the Tigris? Did anyone besides me hear a tour operator on TV offering Iraqi vacation packages? I heard it; I can’t believe it. Was it a bad Halloween joke?

Where’s There’s Poke There’s Ire It seems the Reverend Ted Haggart, president of the huge National Association of Evangelicals, pastor of the 14,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs, and a mover and shaker in the anti-gay marriage movement, has been using methamphetamine and paying a male escort for sex for three years according to a public statement made by Mike Jones, the male prostitute involved. A morally outraged Haggart, pleading a set-up, possibly politically motivated, has stepped down from his church positions and is seeking spiritual advice and guidance (don’t they all). Is he guilty? I don’t know, but he seems to be doing a log of guilty things. P.S. Haggart has since admitted buying meth, but says he threw it away. That's lamer than Clinton's not inhaling. He, Haggart that is, denies any sexual involvement, but his story seems to change hourly.

Washington War Crap Bribery, Conspiracy, Rotten Work, Lost Weapons; these are some of the charges against American occupation officials and major companies like Halliburton and Parsons brought by the Office of the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction (OSIG). No problem. Tucked away in the huge military spending bill (approved by Republicans and Democrats alike) that W signed two weeks ago is a provision to jettison OSIG 10/10/07. What in hell is going on in unreality town, and do you continue to doubt whose war this is?

More War and Political Crap: There is speculation that Saddam will be sentenced between now and Tuesday in an attempt to give sagging Republican reelection chances a shot in the arm. I keep wondering when Osama’s capture will be announced.

Curse Cruse! Sumner Redstone’s Paramount, citing Tom’s idiosyncratic behavior and his religion, gives him the axe. Tom, in a giant ‘Up yours Redstone!’ move buys control of United Artists. Paula Wagner, Tom’s long-time producing partner, will be CEO. Now all they have to do is figure out how to reinvent distribution--cell phone-inundated theaters and $10 popcorn are going the way of Betamax and drive-ins.

Corporate Crook Update:
1. Sanjay Kumar, former CEO of Computer Associates (CA), NYSE, was sentenced yesterday to 12 years in the slammer to contemplate orchestrating a $2.2 billion accounting fraud at CA then trying to keep it quiet by bribing witnesses. Seven other CA execs have pled guilty and face time; the company has paid over $200 million in fines. Kumar has to pay $8 million, stamp money compared to the buckets and barrels of cash he earned during his twenty years with CA, including $330 million in 1998. The Puck Stops Here: CA founder Charles Wang, who has thus far dodged prosecutorial slap-shots, and protégé Kumar own the NY Islanders hockey team. I don’t know about you, but I think the NHL ought to take a closer look at its owners.

TGI WednesdayI'll be glad to see the last of Tuesday, but I expect we'll have only about a week of peace before the gas of 'Election 2008' starts polluting the environment.

That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

ExtraWry and Technorati Join Hands

Technorati Profile
This post marks a relationship between ExtraWry and Technorati whereby the power of Technorati will be unleashed to let countless blogger searchers know of ExtraWry. Thank you Technorati!

Friday, October 27, 2006

SEC – Shelter Elite Crooks? We have a Samberg, a Pequot, a Mack and a Morgan Stanley and an SEC investigation bogged down because John Mack and his cadre of legal wise guys have political clout with the SEC. Briefly, Mack’s pal, Arthur Samberg, founder and chief of Pequot, bought about $44 million in Heller stock immediately before its acquisition by GE Financial and pocketed $18 million in profit. Gary Aquirre, the SEC bulldog who had started to chew on the case, got fired when he wanted to take Mack’s testimony. The Senate Finance Committee is now taking a look. You might want to follow this one; it promises to be interesting provided regulators don’t get another case of the punies.

Nyet! Condi: Isn’t having Condi Dearest chastising Vlad Putin over press freedoms, restrictive laws, and tensions with neighboring countries hypocritical? Russia has problems, we have problems, but the real tragedy is how much gas our politicos waste generating headlines and reelection nausea and what none of us is doing about Darfur.

You’re F-f-f-f, er, Here’s $50 Million! Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company CEO Robert J. O’Connell was fired for extramarital affairs with female employees, illegal activity in trading accounts, and misuse of company aircraft, BUT GET THIS: a three member arbitration panel said the board made a mistake and O’Connell could be entitled to as much as $50 million in benefits owed. There is a troubling suggestion in this screwy decision that the arbitration panel might have been influenced. Well, why not? If we know one fact, corruption and greed in business has run amok.

Osama for President? When Obama announced he might decide to run for president, W hurriedly called a special meeting of his war council, demanding to know who approved Osama coming out of hiding and running for president.

Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot II! Could be the title of Al Franken’s next novel. Rush Limbaugh, in an insidious attempt to debase, said Michael J. Fox dramatized the effects of his Parkinson’s disease to garner votes for Democrats who support stem cell research. Rush, you wouldn’t even make good fertilizer for the ground Michael shakes.

Dis-Inherited? Have you ever heard of the ‘Life Settlement’ industry? Here’s the deal: You’re old, you’re broke, and let’s say you have a $1 million insurance policy you don’t need. Your heirs might disagree, but let’s be real: when you die you don’t need to a million bucks; good grief, you don’t even need pocket money. So here’s what happens: you sell your policy at a discount, get some cash, and when you die, the life settlement company gets the proceeds. It’s big business, in the billions, and the industry is laced with scammers. There’s got to be a better way.

Holy Cow! Obviously borrowing a page from Microsoft’s playbook, a Chicago law firm is moving what it calls a big chunk of its administrative functions like accounting and technical services to India. Wouldn’t it be more cost-effective for we, the people, if lawyers and courts also moved? Then, rather than Court TV, we could have something like Bombay Court Phone-In.

Darth Dick’s Smoke & Mirrors: VP Cheney likes to say that the ability to torture prisoners has given the US invaluable information. How much more or less would we have learned without torture? Was there a control group: These fifty weren’t tortured and told us nothing; these fifty were tortured and told us everything?

Jeffrey’s Big Adventure: Twenty four years and four months, probably in a medium security prison in Butner, NC, for fifty-two-year old former CEO Jeffrey K. Skilling’s unapologetic role in Enron’s spectacular collapse into the muck and murk of bankruptcy and ignominy, a term second only to Bernard Ebbers of WorldCom disfame who got thirty years. Skilling’s probably ticked that he didn’t come in first on that one either.

Comma = C$1,000,000? Next time your kid says about grammar: why do I need to know this crap anyway? you can relate the ‘Saga of the Telephone Poles.’ It seems Bell Aliant, an Atlantic Provinces telephone provider and Rogers Communications, Canada’s largest cable provider, went to court over a telephone pole contract that either could or could not be cancelled after one year. A judge ruled the placement of a comma dictated it could be canceled, costing Rogers C$1,000,000. Rogers, will, contest, of, course. Stay tuned.

Timetable, Shimetable: Memo to We, The People: Tell this government to get our troops out of Iraq now. Not in six months, twelve months, or eighteen months, but NOW! They, the government, planned this war poorly, their execution has been nothing if not shoddy, and their callous determination to perpetuate the conflict is unconscionable. To suggest there is going to be a more opportune time to withdraw our troops insults our intelligence and does nothing but line the pockets of military contractors and big oil to which they are disgracefully beholden.

$470 Million? $295 Million? $85 Million? Which one is Barry Diller’s pay for 2005? Well they all are, depending on how you count. Two things tabulators do agree on is that Diller, CEO of IAC/Interactive (Internet retailing and Home Shopping networks), was the highest paid CEO and wasn’t worth it, but they don’t say how much he should have been paid. Here’s my formula: ten times the annual salary of the lowest paid employee in the company. Naturally, Diller and other grossly overpaid executives and their current heirs don’t agree.

That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!

Friday, October 20, 2006

300,000,000; 12,000; 3024? These three numbers were widely reported in the news during the month of October. Do you know why? Answers at the bottom of this posting.

Drugged! Eli Lilly got its knuckles rapped by three docs from NIH (National Institute of Health) who said Lilly manipulated treatment guidelines to promote its lagging Xigris, an expensive ($8,000 for a four day treatment) treatment for sepsis, an often deadly blood infection, but for which older, cheaper, and equally effective treatments exist. Despite Lilly’s claim it did nothing wrong, this one stinks.

The Peacock Sheds Some Feathers: Because of declining viewership and ad revenues, NBC says it is cost cutting by pruning its 6,000 member newsgathering team, eliminating about three hundred jobs, mostly vacant, according to NBC News pres Steve Capus. Question: how does eliminating vacant jobs cut costs? If you sit at a desk and get a paycheck and aren’t Matt Lauer, be worried. P.S. If you watch NBC between 8:00 and 9:00, get ready for more mind-numbing crap (translation: reality TV) ; the really good stuff is moving to the 9:00 to 11:00 slot.

$84.8 Million Axe? Viacom’s CEO (Viacom owns a bunch of cable TV networks and movie and music publishing. It used to own CBS and related entities until the two companies split in 2005) Tom Freston, ousted after less than a year, departs with severance and deferred compensation of $84.8 million. Let’s send our resumes to Sumner Redstone, executive chairman and founder; I know I’ve got a few months to kill.

Grasso Greed Grabbed! Former NYSE chairman, Richard Grasso has been ordered by the State Supreme Court to repay $100 million of his $139.5 million severance pay. Not good enough. I say they go after the rest, including the $80 million he got paid between 1999 and 2001. This guy is the poster child for greed.

CBS Payola Nailed! I’ve never heard a single song by Nine Inch Nails or Nick Lachey, but apparently a lot of people have, thanks to bribes paid to CBS Radio by the major music companies. To settle, admitting no wrong or course, CBS is donating $2 million to New York charities. The major music guys are paying $30 million, no charities mentioned. Don’t move that dial: subpoenas have been issued to other major radio companies like Clear Channel, Entercom, and Citadel.

Some Nerve! About twelve thousand physicians have purchased automated devices that check for nerve disease. Plug a finger in and voila! Fifteen minutes later you have the results and the doc has $250; do enough of these a year, and the doc can buy his wife a new BMW. Naturally, the nation’s neurologists are crying foul, but do they have a point? Neurometrix, the maker of the device, is under investigation by the feds, not for its product but for its aggressive marketing practices that may not stand the smell test.

Bitch-Slapped? Pfizer, the world’s largest drug company, more than doubled third quarter profits to $3.4 billion, up from $1.6 billion in the same quarter last year. And how much was it that you said your healthcare premiums increased? Total earnings for nine U.S. pharmaceutical companies regularly surveyed by Chemical and Engineering News increased 21.9% to $11.6 billion.

Blues, St. Louis Blues: No, not William Christopher Handy's immortal classic and not those pesky hockey players, I’m talking birds, Cardinals to be more precise, the St. Louis Cardinals who beat the NY Mets, the Amazins, in a mighty struggle at Shea last night, a struggle whose results weren’t decided until the very last pitch. Too bad both teams can’t team up to take on the Motor City boys; they’re going to be tough to beat.

What Are The Odds? With eighteen days left before mid-term elections, want to bet that Republicans, hearing the loud flush of defeat, come up with a way to get our troops out of Iraq? W, Darth Dick, and Dastardly Don are meeting with the Pentagon pariahs this weekend; I don't think it's a tailgate party.

Answers: 300,000,000: the population of the United States passes the 300,000,000 mark; 12,000: the Dow Jones Industrial Average climbs past 12,000; 3,024: Iraq coalition deaths pass the 3,000 mark. How many did you get correct?

That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!

Friday, October 13, 2006


Hastert Doomed? W appeared on TV with Denny and told him he was doing a good job. Well actually, among other things, he said, “This country is better off with Denny Hastert as the speaker.” Remember when W appeared with Brownie of FEMA and told him he was doing a heck of a job while New Orleans sank from view? Brownie's subsequent demise was quick and painful, as it should have been. So long Denny. You’re next.

Kim-Boom! With North Korea detonating a nuclear bomb that though seeming to have fallen far short of the ten to twenty kilotons first reported to something less than one kiloton, it got the world’s attention. Condi says we won’t go to war (did I miss the part where we put her in charge) and W is pissed because he still can’t pronounce nuclear and Darth Dick phoned Halliburton to check on its troop strength. Height challenged Kim Jong-il, North Korea’s dictator, lashed out at the world for pooh-poohing his little bomb and said size doesn’t matter (Yeah right! Ladies, where have you heard that one before).

Yougle or Suegle? So Google scoops up You Tube, a collection of home videos produced by a demographic that I put at fifteen, plus or minus a couple of years. Some are quite entertaining; we’ve all seen them attached to emails from our jokester lists; others are pure crap; others are ripped off from copyrighted sources like movie studios, and therein lies the problem. Movie companies that invest tens of million of dollars to make movies aren’t about to let Google and its you-tubers freely disseminate their creations…so they plan to sue Google (Google has deep pockets – You Tube was a start up so going after it and winning would have been a Pyrrhic victory). Movie moguls are also going after individual you-tubers much like the record companies did when Napster ticked off the music guys so be prepared for the FBI to come knocking in the middle of a dark and stormy night. P.S. Google paid $1.65 billion in Google stock; if you’re a Google stockholder, that’s your money.

Third Time Lucky? Cendant shareholders hope not, at least in this case. Ex-CEO, Walter Forbes, facing his third fraud trial for leading a scheme to inflate CUC’s income by $252 million prior to its 1997 merger with HFS. The prosecutor says Forbes lied about everything to everyone and lined his pockets with tens of millions of dollars. It is interesting that this was one of the largest accounting frauds of the 1990s because $252 million seems paltry, almost like pocket change given the billion dollar frauds of more recent times. Forbes’s first two dances with justice ended in mistrials after jurors spent a combined sixty days without reaching a decision.

Peeuwlet Packard? Hold your nose. Now it seems that in addition to directors and executives spying on one another and generally doing the nasty, there are reports of selling stock in advance of detrimental press releases. Shareholders need to clean house at this once highly respected corporation by replacing every board member and all executive management or this sucker will bleed to death.

Corporate Crooks

1. Cheaters and Crooks Safeguarding your Computer? McAfee, the computer virus protector, is among a growing list of companies caught up in this practice likened to betting on a horse race after the race is over. McAfee’s CEO retired, which I hope is a euphemism for booting his butt out the door.

Similarly, CNet’s CEO resigned. Like McAfee, millions of individual computer users look to CNet for trusted data on a host of software and hardware issues. Or at least we used to. How can we trust companies run by cheaters and crooks?

In all, about 120 companies are under government scrutiny or have launched internal investigations into options backdating. The FBI is vigorously inspecting the books of fifty-five of these; two have received criminal indictments.


2. Internet Fraud: The former CEO of Homestore Inc., an online home listing service, is to get fifteen years in the slammer for directing a $67 million fraud against the company, unless his attorney can pull a rabbit from the hat.

Does anyone remember the date that all the crooks started working for corporations?

Torre-ific! Hey, give me a break. I’m a Yankee fan, and I’m glad Joe’s coming back.

Nay Ney! Republican congressman Bob Ney from Ohio pleaded guilty to accepting bribes from Washington’s most hated lobbyist Black Jack Abramhoff in return for giving Jack’s clients what they wanted. BUT GET THIS CHUTZPAH, Ney said he would resign within the next few weeks. What? He’s got more favors to do before he leaves? Throw the bum out. He doesn’t deserve another day pretending to be a leader.

That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!

Friday, October 06, 2006

Woodward’s Genius: The genius of ‘State of Denial,’ Bob Woodward’s latest book that calls the Bush administrations take on the war in Iraq flawed is not what exists between the front and back covers; it is that he’s getting paid a ton of money and receiving hours of media coverage for doing nothing other than stating the obvious.

Carly’s HP Book: Speaking of genius, how good is Carly Fiorina’s timing? The former CEO of HP, rather unceremoniously axed in February 2005, is releasing her new book, Queen Carly, er, Tough Choices, next week. Talk about millions in free PR with HP doing everything it can to show the world how inept it has become since deposing Carly, including an arrest warrant issued for Patricia Dunn, chairwoman fired a week or two ago. As I said before, my printer still works. How’s the stock doing?

Michael Milliken Redux:
Those of you under thirty years of age who haven’t studied financial shenanigan history might not remember Drexel, Burnham, Lambert and it’s hotshot junk bond salesman, Michael Milliken, who went to jail for a dozen or so years for committing all sorts of fraud crimes against America. I just read the Forbes 400 list. I didn’t see your name. I didn’t see my name. But guess where Michael sits? Yeah, he’s there, #153 with $2.1 billion. Crime pays!

Excuses Anonymous:
Disgraced for E-mail sex with underage pages, Congressmen Foley checks into an alcohol treatment facility citing substance abuse and, when he was thirteen to fifteen, molestation by a clergyman, as excuses for his behavior. Tragic those these life-altering events are, they are not excuses for what he did. He, like other once trusted government officials, did what he did because he thought he wouldn’t get caught. He's known for years that he had a problem; why didn’t he fix it?

Cat-choo!: The cat might not make you sneeze, but the $4,000 price tag will. Early next year Allerca, a biotech company, will deliver hypoallergenic – or is that hyper-alley-genic – kittens a $4,000 each. Now if they could just figure out how to eliminate the hairball, tattered furniture, and cat box parts.

Hastert Hoedown: In his televised speech regarding the Foley's sex scandal House Speaker Hastert did a masterful ‘Buck Stops Here’ dance, but the music sounded a lot like ‘Pass the Buck Polka,’ that old DC favorite. Now it sounds like the FBI and a lot of other DC folks we’ve grown to love and trust are joining Denny’s Dance; Tony Snow, Whitehouse spokesman, is playing lead fiddle as fast as he can, and Karl Rove is no doubt yodeling up a storm.

Air Nowhere, Free Elbowroom: Say you happened to end up in Brookings, SD and needed to get to Huron, SD, you could take an hour out of your hectic schedule and drive, or you could jam yourself, along with the two other people who decided to fly on that or any other day, into a nineteen passenger turbo prop operated by Mesa Air, an Essential Air Services carrier subsidized by we the people ever since airline deregulation in 1978 - remember that, the day US airlines started their long, painful decline into the toilet of mediocrity. But why should we care? Because each ticket costs we the people $600 - $700. So, lets do the math: an average of three passengers per flight times 24 flights per week, 12 outbound and 12 inbound flights, times fifty-two weeks times say $650, the average ticket subsidy, equals $2.5 million per year. PS: There are over one-hundred Essential Airports costing over $100 million annually.

Rice Redefines Progress:
At least consistency runs rampant in Bushies Whitehouse. This week, Condi, a majority of one, insisted there were signs of progress in Iraq. Would this be why the Whitehouse is stepping up its efforts to censor battlefront news and coverage of the returning coffins of dead service men and women: they don’t want to share all this progress?

Bad Apple:
Has Steve Jobs’ company been backdating options? It’s called spring-loading or fraud, depending on which side of the room you’re on. To me, if it looks like insider trading and smells like insider trading, then it is insider trading. It’s way past time for shareholders to demand that corporate America start to wipe its butt.

Power always has to be kept in check; power exercised in secret, especially under the cloak of national security, is doubly dangerous. -William Proxmire, US senator, reformer (1915-2005)
http://wordsmith.org/ 10-06-06

That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!

Friday, September 29, 2006



Blow Job? Who’s fooling who? Washington’s biggest leper, Jack Abramoff, had 82 contacts with the Rove man’s office and 10 contacts with the Rove man himself. Abramoff’s former secretary is Rove’s executive assistant. How convenient is that? Sporting events tickets were given, meals were enjoyed, expensive wine was bought. A White House spokeswoman said the latter proved Abramoff and Rove weren’t close since Rove doesn’t drink alcohol and his close friends know that. Ah yes, but did he take the wine?

Kepcher Trumped; Ivanka Trump.
So The Donald gave Carolyn Kepcher, the best thing about The Apprentice, the elevator. Say what you want, Donnie, that is bald-faced nepotism, and in my books, YOU'RE FIRED!

Buy My Book Please So Musharraf, president of Pakistan, would rather use a nationally televised meeting with super agent Georgie in the Rose Garden to promote his book, In the Line of Fire: A Memoir, rather than arrive at a way to work with Afghanistan and find Osama. And then we gave him dinner? And to top it off, we gave Karzai from Afghanistan a dinner. Isn’t that something like giving the head of the Mexican and Columbian drug cartels dinner?

Out, Out Damn Spot!
The whole world (read United States) knows that Diebold voting machines are a dud. So you gotta ask yourself: why are they going to be used? Because Diebold says they’re reliable? Because Diebold is a Texas-based company that supports Republicans for re-election? Because Diebold Elections Systems president meets at Bush’s Crawford ranch for Republican re-election strategy sessions? Banks across the nation use ATM’s that spit out instant paper trails; can’t a simple screw-turn make them into voting machines? Or we could make it into a science project and let the kids do it.

$&%!#*$&% Contractors
In Iraq, thirteen of fourteen major projects worth hundreds of millions built, to use the term loosely, by American contractor Parsons Corp have been given a big thumbs down by congress. In one case, the $72 million police college, the plumbing burst dumping urine and feces throughout the building. Other big American contractors in Iraq, Bechtel and KBR, the latter a sub of Halliburton, Darth Dickie’s former domain, also came under sharp criticism. In all, we’re talking $30 to $45 billion in reconstruction, and I for one am not sanguine that congressional mouthwork is the answer.

Anthills? For those in Washington who seem befuddled by the idea that the war in Iraq has worsened the threat of terrorism, here’s a simple experiment I'd like them to try: go outside, find a stick, find a fire ant nest, poke with stick, run like hell.

Blackberry Pie?
As if Research in Motion, the Blackberry people, didn’t have enough on the tiny little keyboards with several years of fighting copyright infringement charges, now they’ve been dicking with their stock options. So far, RIM says it’s no big deal and their business and stock are going like gangbusters, but keep you eyes open if you’re an investor. The SEC doesn’t like company execs playing with option grant dates. RIMM, NASDAQ.

Rummy Cheats To learn that Defense Secretary Rumsfeld never loses at squash comes as no surprise since he only plays subordinates, but to learn that he also cheats speaks volumes about the mixed signals he sends regarding the war in Iraq. In my experience cheaters often aren't aware of the thin line between fact and fiction. As an aside, I wonder who would win if Rummy played Georgie The Unglib or Darth Dickie. Condi vs. Rummy, now that's a match I'd like to see.

Stock This in Your Pipe
A trader sold 259 billion (yes, billion) shares in CMKM Diamonds at a fifth of a penny a share and raised $53 million. CMKM Diamonds, OTC, never traded above two cents a share and had total assets in 2002 of, are you ready for this, $344. When an auditor hired by the company quit after eleven days saying they suspected criminal activity, a company spokesperson pooh-poohed the claim saying the auditor couldn’t possibly make such a claim since the company’s records couldn’t be found. The well-connected former FBI agent the company hired as co-Chairman for $40,000 per month told a judge he didn’t know how many employees the company had or what they did and was not familiar with the company’s assets or liabilities, nor did he ever go to the company’s offices, perhaps because they didn’t have any, and is now claiming he hasn’t been paid the amount owed. My thoughts: maybe he hasn’t been paid the amount promised, but if he’s been paid nada, zero, nothing, I think he’s been paid the amount owed.

A Fifth of HP
Well, they've been drinking something at HP. Its execs are pleading the Fifth and resigning faster than their printers can kick out clear, crisp documents. Congressional representatives have been left shaking their heads at the refusal of the former Chairwoman, Patricia Dunn, to accept any responsibility in the boardroom spying shenanigans. Besides Dunn, general counsel Ann Baskins has resigned. She was one of 10 HP witnesses who blessed the House committee with silence. HP’s stock has lost about half its value in the past year; so far my printer still works.

Sony Burn Lenovo and IBM are recalling 500,000 plus Sony lithium ion batteries after a notebook computer caught fire in the LA airport. Lenovo is the Chinese company that bought IBM’s personal computing business. On top of Dell’s 4.1 million and Apple’s 1.8 million battery recalls, the total hit on Sony is nearing 6.5 million batteries. Given Sony's size, the cost isn't that much unless some inconsiderate laptoppers get a good old fashioned American class action suit stoked up.

Yuan For You and Yuan For Me
Early stirring in China that it may revalue the yuan is good news for the $725 billion (+-) trade surplus with the US but not so good for we the people because now we’ll have to pay more greenbacks for all the Chinese goodies we ‘yuan’ to have. I wonder: does that include takeout?

Angelina, Brad, and Jacob?
Who? Jacob Alexander, a fugitive from US justice is hiding out in Namibia, although the country’s hospitality toward him isn’t quite the same as it is for A and B; Jacob is in jail, waiting to see if the creaky, crooked wheels of international justice will see him extradited, despite no Namibia/US treaty, to face a Converse Technology stock option swindle. Jacob had been Converse’s CEO until May when he resigned and spirited his family off to Israel then to Namibia. A couple of other former Converse execs pleaded not guilty, but they didn’t make it out of the county. Converse, NASDAQ, $21-22, 2005 revenue $959.4 million, net $57.3 million. This ain’t bad; why were they screwing with the stock options?

Et Tu, Methuselah?
Billionaire Kirk Kerkorian, who must be two thousand years old in take-over artist years, has signaled a willingness to put up another $400 million for GM stock to shove a reluctant GM back to stalled Renault/Nissan alliance discussions.

That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Extra Wry Poll - September 22, 2006



Un-UN With Hugo Chavez from Venezuela and Mahmoud Amadinejad from Iran blasting Bush and Bush blasting everyone in the world who doesn’t agree with US, the UN took on a decidedly un-united tone during it meetings this week. Isn’t it odd that the top reps from two leading vendors of petroleum would journey to the home of their largest customer and piss on his daisies? Are all world leaders so ineffective at governing for the people that they need to hide behind the curtains of war?


See No Evil The Canadians blasted the Americans for rendering a Canadian citizen to Syria’s harsh prison system where he was held and tortured for a year before being released, totally innocent of all except being born Syrian. Is this what American’s want to see? Is this what American’s see?

Pssst! Password? So a couple of thousand laptop computers disappeared from the Department of Commerce. But don’t worry, department spokespersons say, they are password protected. Now if only the Defense Department, whose computers are regularly hacked, would get some of these super passwords from the good folks at Commerce, we can all start to feel safer.

Eight Commandments? The Bush Whitehouse seems hell bent on election that it is going to change the Geneva Convention so that those responsible for violations will not be prosecuted as war criminals. They of course don’t say that; they say they need to torture people to find out why they want to kill us. In a related matter, the Bush Whitehouse wants commandments six and nine deleted.

More HURDles for HP?
Now it seems Mark V. Hurd, HP’s CEO, might have had his mitts in the boardroom spy scandal ricocheting around silicon valley. CEO’s have proven slippery though, and it may be hard to stick him with any dastardly deeds. Meanwhile, HP’s stock has turned down.

Zuckenberg and Facebook Ever hear of them? Who or what are they? Your guess is as good as mine, but in that world that no one except the alien brethren among us knows about, Yahoo has offered 22-year-old Mark Zuckenberg $900 million, that’s just a paltry $100 million shy of a billion bucks, for Facebook, a social networking company for college types that lets them gossip, flirt and keep track of parties, those coming, not those in the past, which, presumably college kids of today like those of yesterday want to forget. Yahoo says they will keep Zuckenberg around to run the company as he wants (well maybe not exactly as he wants, but like anyone with $900 million invested might let him).

Another Virgin Sir Richard, already owner of a stable of travel, media, and entertainment virgins, wants that red-hot momma, Earth, to cool down her act, and he’s putting his money where his mouth is. Branson says he will put up $3 billion to develop energy resources that do not contribute to global warming. Hey, I like this guy and the Al Gore guy who helped persuade his thinking, but is Richard being eleemosynary or opportunistic? Keep your eye on alternate energy stocks...maybe you can pocket a buck or two.

No More E.Coli To get the government off their spinach, California growers say they will implement new growing and handling procedures to ensure they don’t ship e.coli infected products. How long did they plan on waiting?

$10 Oranges? The shortage of Mexican laborers caused by America’s crackdown on illegals streaming across the border has left California farmers woefully short of pickers, and their fruit is rotting on the branch. So, $10 oranges? Maybe not, but it ain’t gonna get cheaper. Gracias, Washington amigos, for another failed policy.

Please, Mr. Big Oil, “We would really appreciate it” if you changed your contracts. That’s pretty much the Interior Department’s response to its $12 billion mistake in favor of the oil companies. Of course, not one oil company said boo so I guess they didn’t notice the error either…I mean it’s hard to imagine ‘big oil’ being so disingenuous. Curiously, the Interior Department said it will not try to correct the mistake because it has no leverage against the oil companies and doesn’t want any. HUH? It has also prevented federal auditors from recovering $30 million in deliberate lease underpayments by the oil companies.

That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!