Slave Labor I don’t know the answer, but Wal-Mart, America’s largest employer, pays some of its employees so little money they need food stamps and Medicare to survive. It just doesn’t seem American.
Hand People Who are those people who stick their hands in front of cameras? Do they take special courses? Are they required to have a special hand license? Damn it! I want to see the faces of the crooks they’re trying to hide, crooks who are off to our courts and our jails. We’re paying and we’re entitled to more than a big fat hand in the face.
England vs. US No, not the England with a Queen, the much more powerful England called Lynndie, who, from her lowly rank of pfc, orchestrated the entire prisoner abuse scandal at Iraq’s Abu Ghraib. Lock her up and throw away the key—she’s clearly a threat to the American military industrial complex; hell man, she’s a threat to our democratic way of life.
Audience Rests? The prosecution rests. Please, let us be next. Put the trial in thirty-day mothballs and ban any mention of Michael Jackson by Jay Leno or other ‘hard news’ reporters. Violators will be incarcerated for thirty days and nights at Touchy-Feely Ranch.
Inventor of Wheel Buys Car At least it seems that Kirk Kerkorian, who bought another $850 million of GM stock this week, has been around that long. P.S. He For the market players among you, he doesn’t like to lose.
Ban Bermudans! American companies that incorporate in Bermuda to skirt around their US tax obligations should be banned from selling their goods and services in the U.S. If our congressmen and senators (you know, there the ones we elected who accept money from big corporations to do their bidding) won’t do it, then it’s up to us. Don’t buy their stuff!
Dumb Idea Rental Microsoft, the maker of madness in the form of crashed disks, fatal errors, three-day waits for tech support and other life threatening horrors, has decided to tap into its vast resources and lease ideas to startup companies. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the beginning of the end of business in America.
Need an Ambulance? Call a Helicopter Google ‘medical helicopters’ and in .17 seconds you’ll get 733,000 hits. Know why? According to the NYT, that Eminence Grise of the Fourth Estate, 700 medical helicopters operate nationally (double that of ten years ago) at $5 thousand to $10 thousand a pop, five to ten times that of your plain old vanilla ground bound conveyor of carnage and guess who’s paying? Yep, you and I, baby. Medicare coughed up $103 million in 2002. Since the number of flights from 2001 to 2004 was up 58%, a tad of straight line forecasting (ridiculous methodology, I know, since government expenditures tend to increase exponentially) tells me that Medicare shelled out about $150 million in 2004.
Had Your Quorn? Do you really have to know that some people suffer nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea after eating this meat substitute sold broadly by natural-food retailer Whole Foods and others? Isn’t it enough to know that Quorn is made from a vat-grown fungus? Gee honey, here’s a pack of wieners made from a vat-grown fungus—let’s stock up. Not.
Road Runner User Steals Time Warner Employee Data Data for 600,000 current and former TW employees has been lost. Don’t believe it—it was hijacked by a TW customer desperate for the phone number for a real person to answer RR e-mail questions.
