Happy Schwartzman to You Steven Schwartzman, founder of Blackstone Partners, an early and hugely successful player in the LBO game, is giving himself a sixtieth birthday party in the Park Avenue Armory, the only place in the city capable of holding the 1,500 close friends he’s invited. Rumor: Rod Stewart, who charges a million or so for private parties, is the surprise entertainment. As far as invited guests, we don’t know who’s going, but we do no some of those who are not. Condoleezza Rice, Edward Kennedy, Colin Powell, and Henry Paulson declined. Henry Kravis, long considered the buyout and art patron king whose crown Schwartzman covets, wasn’t invited. Most everyone else who is stunningly famous or stunningly rich received an invitation.

Any Lobbyists? Pfizer is cutting 7,800 people on top of the 2,200 sales reps previously axed. How much do you want to bet it hasn’t reduced the number of lobbyists slipping free Viagra to our lawmakers.

Score Card – Progress Iraq This is depressing. 22,000 more troops. Come on George, stop jerking us around. Tell the truth. We won’t leave Iraq or the Middle East until Exxon and its sisters tell you it’s OK. And Richard the lyin’ hearted this week exceeded even his own heretofore unbridled hubris by stating flat out that it didn’t matter what Congress of The Senate said or did, more troops were going in. (Note to Richard: YES, IT DOES MATTER. And the Democrats should be hoisted on the petard of their own indecision. Not one Democrat has the cojones to demand immediate and total withdrawal. BRING OUR TROOPS HOME. CONTINUING THIS WAR IS THE ONLY DISASTER.

Too Depressing! A medical device with the galactic sounding name of Neurostar TMS designed to reduce depression doesn’t work. There oughta be a law.

Tortured Canadian Appeased? The Canadian government apologized to Maher Arar, a Canadian citizen wrongly detained by American officials and deported to Syria where he was jailed and tortured for ten months, and paid him $9.75 million as compensation. Like a true Canadian, Arer said he valued the apology more than the money. As far as the United States is concerned, it continues to keep Arer on its terrorist watch list and refuses to allow him into the country.

Still Irked Bob Ney, ex congressman from Ohio is off to prison for thirty months for selling his office to black Jack Abramhoff, the crook lobbyist, BUT HE WILL GET HIS PENSION. Let’s see how this works: get elected, get drunk and party and take bribes, get caught, go to prison, draw a pension.

Passport Poop United States, Canadian, and some Caribbean citizens now need a passport to get into or return to the United States. Mexicans can continue to sneak across the border. The rules for terrorists haven’t been spelled out.

What’s Wrong With This Statement? The Justice Department has issued subpoenas to at least four Wall Street investment banks as part of a widening investigation into the multi-billion-dollar online gambling industry. Isn’t Wall Street the biggest poker game in town?

It’s My Insula So you quit smoking 25 years ago and still have the craving, blame your insula, a tiny part of your brain (isn’t it always) that scientists now believe is responsible for certain addictive traits. Before you flush the nicotine gum and patches, though, what they haven’t figured out is how to make adjustments short of a peen to the bean.

No Money Honey Funny Stuff Any attempt to suggest Maria Bartiromo, one of the finest financial reporters on TV, is in bed with CitiCorp or any other company that she covers is absurd. What possible difference can it make if she accepts an occasional, completely above-board lift home on a private jet, other than she might find out something juicy that we want to know? She would tell us, wouldn’t she?

Libby Lobs Betrayal Bomb Are attorneys for Lewis I. Libby, Darth Dick’s former chief of staff, suggesting that this administration is going to let Libby take the fall to protect Carl Rove, Prince George’s political advisor? Betrayal and untruths by this administration, hard to believe. And remind me again why Carl Rove is important?

Rams Ramming Rams Scientists have been trying to figure out why some rams prefer rams and what makes them that way. I could have had them call my Scottish ancestors for their answer, but hey, I’m still wondering where virgin wool comes from.

That’s all for this week, my friends. Do what you can to stop the war.!