Friday, September 15, 2006
Dunn Done Despite assertions that she wouldn’t be the scapegoat in the Hewlett-Packard boardroom debacle, Chairwoman Patricia Dunn has been shoved aside, the victim of a lot of bad deeds employed in spying on fellow directors that took place on her watch, some if not all of which were initiated by her. Maybe H-P can now regain its former dignity.
Bitch of the Week: The circus that the media and politicians made out of 9-11. Thank god the tenth anniversary won’t be an election year.
Silver Foot Anne Richards, the biggest Democrat in Texas since LBJ, moved on to that big campaign in the sky this week. She was tough, she was full of life, she was fun, but more than everything else, she coined one of my favorite sayings: “George W. Bush was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” Give ‘em hell up there, Anne!
Dell Hell More than batteries in its laptops may be in a meltdown. Dells profits are in the toilet and the SEC is nosing around because Dell’s financial statements might not be totally accurate. Where have we heard that one before? An old stock buy-back agreement that locks Dell into buying shares at prices considerably higher than current market value isn’t going to help. Stay tuned. I’m not an Apple guy, but maybe an apple a day--well maybe not every day, a little Jobs goes along way--will turn out to be a dose of sage advice.
Hedge Hogs The billionaires running hedge funds want a bigger trough. There is talk of $24.3 billion Fortress Investment Group (would that be FIG for short?) going public, making the billionaire owners into whatever comes after billionaire. I don’t know whether the strategy will work; hedge funds in the past have demonstrated an ability to die from self-inflicted ego wounds, but if you can afford a few shares, you’ll probably make a few bucks because everyone will want to nose in on the action. Don’t wait too long to get out though or you might end up hearing a lot of oinking because there isn’t enough slop to go around.
Tough, Wrinkled M&Ms No, not a new addition to the product line of one of the best candies in the whole world, but Murdoch and Malone, the two tough, battle-scarred old lions of media. Malone’s got something Murdoch covets: 19% of News Corporation; and Murdoch’s got something Malone covets: control of Direct TV. None of this matters a hoot to you and me; unless you somehow think the Tenth Commandment actually applies to business executives, it’s just fun to watch two veterans of corporate conflict stalk each other with a few billion dollars on the table.
ZUNE, ZONE, Gone Any time a company , as Microsoft did this week with the unveiling of Zune, has to describe a music player for teenagers with a string of corporate gobbledygook such as a ‘decidedly social experience’ OR ‘a new platform that helps bring artists closer to their audiences and helps people find new music and develop new social connections’ OR ‘it gives listeners three listens in three days’ OR calls it ‘an extension of other social technologies’ OR says “it turns people into street teams” and then has to have the reporter insert a parented explanation (promoters who try to popularize music through word of mouth), I say you ain’t got a music player baby, you got a big fat turkey.
Does George Speak With Forked Tongue? Under no circumstances should this administration be allowed to rewrite the rules of decency. When will George and Dick understand that the people of the US are not concerned with the US meeting the requirements of the Geneva Convention for decency, the people of the US are concerned that the requirements of the Geneva Convention do not meet US requirements for decency, and anyone, ANYONE, who is guilty of torturing prisoners has to be held accountable. Torture does not provide the information this administration would like us to believe it does, it does nothing but debase our status as a country seeking to make the world a more humane place.
Risky Business As if the prospect of getting killed in a bank robbery wasn’t enough, Russian central banker Andre Kozlov, who was leading efforts to eliminate money laundering and close disreputable banks, and his driver were shot and killed in what is being called a contract killing; they were returning to their car following a soccer game.
Nay Ney Representative Bob Ney, Republican, Ohio, is the first congressman to bite the dust over his ties to corrupt lobbyist Jack Abramoff. Last January, the Republican leadership pressured Ney to give up his post as chairman of the House Administration Committee (office space allotment, cafeteria, other Capital Hill services) by saying, and this is telling, that they feared that the assignment had brought undue scrutiny to the corruption accusations facing Mr. Ney and other Republicans. Huh? Doesn’t corruption and those accused of corruption deserve undue scrutiny?
Thanks, George Clooney! George Clooney, in his address to the UN this week, makes one proud to be an American. He essentially told overpaid UN bureaucrats and their governments to get off their over fat asses or some 2.5 million of the almost forgotten peoples of Darfur will die at an estimated rate 100,000 a month. He said, “So after September 30th, you won't need the UN. You will simply need men with shovels and bleached white linen and headstones." Let us hope and pray that he and others succeed in attracting the needed help. You can do your part by being aware and making others aware.
You Go Google! Ya gotta give the Google guys credit; they shake; they move; but can they make a difference? You want my advice? Don’t bet against them. Their new for profit philanthropy will teach people how to fish rather than giving them fish. A new startup whose efforts are near and dear to my heart is going to try to create a fleet of ethanol/electric/gasoline hybrids that get a cool hundred miles per gallon. The first jock who asks how fast it can go from zero to sixty should be stuffed and mounted in the automobile hall of shame right next to extinct Ford and GM products.
Spinach, E-Coli, and Popeye? What do they have in common? Nothing, unless Popeye ate some bagged, uncooked spinach bought at a store in America that happened to be an e-coli source in which case Bluto would make off with Olive Oyl, Swee’Pea would become an undisciplined delinquent, and Popeye would have a lot of dribble on his chin. DON’T EAT BAGGED SPINACH, DON'T COOK BAGGED SPINACH, DON'T WASH BAGGED SPINACH, THROW IT AWAY until this whole e-coli bacteria thing is cleared up. IF YOU HAVE EATEN SOME AND HAVE DIARRHEA OR OTHERWISE DON'T FEEL WELL, GET TO THE ER PRONTO!
That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!
Bitch of the Week: The circus that the media and politicians made out of 9-11. Thank god the tenth anniversary won’t be an election year.
Silver Foot Anne Richards, the biggest Democrat in Texas since LBJ, moved on to that big campaign in the sky this week. She was tough, she was full of life, she was fun, but more than everything else, she coined one of my favorite sayings: “George W. Bush was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” Give ‘em hell up there, Anne!
Dell Hell More than batteries in its laptops may be in a meltdown. Dells profits are in the toilet and the SEC is nosing around because Dell’s financial statements might not be totally accurate. Where have we heard that one before? An old stock buy-back agreement that locks Dell into buying shares at prices considerably higher than current market value isn’t going to help. Stay tuned. I’m not an Apple guy, but maybe an apple a day--well maybe not every day, a little Jobs goes along way--will turn out to be a dose of sage advice.
Hedge Hogs The billionaires running hedge funds want a bigger trough. There is talk of $24.3 billion Fortress Investment Group (would that be FIG for short?) going public, making the billionaire owners into whatever comes after billionaire. I don’t know whether the strategy will work; hedge funds in the past have demonstrated an ability to die from self-inflicted ego wounds, but if you can afford a few shares, you’ll probably make a few bucks because everyone will want to nose in on the action. Don’t wait too long to get out though or you might end up hearing a lot of oinking because there isn’t enough slop to go around.
Tough, Wrinkled M&Ms No, not a new addition to the product line of one of the best candies in the whole world, but Murdoch and Malone, the two tough, battle-scarred old lions of media. Malone’s got something Murdoch covets: 19% of News Corporation; and Murdoch’s got something Malone covets: control of Direct TV. None of this matters a hoot to you and me; unless you somehow think the Tenth Commandment actually applies to business executives, it’s just fun to watch two veterans of corporate conflict stalk each other with a few billion dollars on the table.
ZUNE, ZONE, Gone Any time a company , as Microsoft did this week with the unveiling of Zune, has to describe a music player for teenagers with a string of corporate gobbledygook such as a ‘decidedly social experience’ OR ‘a new platform that helps bring artists closer to their audiences and helps people find new music and develop new social connections’ OR ‘it gives listeners three listens in three days’ OR calls it ‘an extension of other social technologies’ OR says “it turns people into street teams” and then has to have the reporter insert a parented explanation (promoters who try to popularize music through word of mouth), I say you ain’t got a music player baby, you got a big fat turkey.
Does George Speak With Forked Tongue? Under no circumstances should this administration be allowed to rewrite the rules of decency. When will George and Dick understand that the people of the US are not concerned with the US meeting the requirements of the Geneva Convention for decency, the people of the US are concerned that the requirements of the Geneva Convention do not meet US requirements for decency, and anyone, ANYONE, who is guilty of torturing prisoners has to be held accountable. Torture does not provide the information this administration would like us to believe it does, it does nothing but debase our status as a country seeking to make the world a more humane place.
Risky Business As if the prospect of getting killed in a bank robbery wasn’t enough, Russian central banker Andre Kozlov, who was leading efforts to eliminate money laundering and close disreputable banks, and his driver were shot and killed in what is being called a contract killing; they were returning to their car following a soccer game.
Nay Ney Representative Bob Ney, Republican, Ohio, is the first congressman to bite the dust over his ties to corrupt lobbyist Jack Abramoff. Last January, the Republican leadership pressured Ney to give up his post as chairman of the House Administration Committee (office space allotment, cafeteria, other Capital Hill services) by saying, and this is telling, that they feared that the assignment had brought undue scrutiny to the corruption accusations facing Mr. Ney and other Republicans. Huh? Doesn’t corruption and those accused of corruption deserve undue scrutiny?
Thanks, George Clooney! George Clooney, in his address to the UN this week, makes one proud to be an American. He essentially told overpaid UN bureaucrats and their governments to get off their over fat asses or some 2.5 million of the almost forgotten peoples of Darfur will die at an estimated rate 100,000 a month. He said, “So after September 30th, you won't need the UN. You will simply need men with shovels and bleached white linen and headstones." Let us hope and pray that he and others succeed in attracting the needed help. You can do your part by being aware and making others aware.
You Go Google! Ya gotta give the Google guys credit; they shake; they move; but can they make a difference? You want my advice? Don’t bet against them. Their new for profit philanthropy will teach people how to fish rather than giving them fish. A new startup whose efforts are near and dear to my heart is going to try to create a fleet of ethanol/electric/gasoline hybrids that get a cool hundred miles per gallon. The first jock who asks how fast it can go from zero to sixty should be stuffed and mounted in the automobile hall of shame right next to extinct Ford and GM products.
Spinach, E-Coli, and Popeye? What do they have in common? Nothing, unless Popeye ate some bagged, uncooked spinach bought at a store in America that happened to be an e-coli source in which case Bluto would make off with Olive Oyl, Swee’Pea would become an undisciplined delinquent, and Popeye would have a lot of dribble on his chin. DON’T EAT BAGGED SPINACH, DON'T COOK BAGGED SPINACH, DON'T WASH BAGGED SPINACH, THROW IT AWAY until this whole e-coli bacteria thing is cleared up. IF YOU HAVE EATEN SOME AND HAVE DIARRHEA OR OTHERWISE DON'T FEEL WELL, GET TO THE ER PRONTO!
That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!
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