Ya Got Terror, My Friend, Right Here In River City… I decided to Google 'define terrorist'. Interestingly, the first definition begins thusly: One who utilizes the systematic use of violence and intimidation to achieve political objectives, while disguised as a civilian non-combatant…Yes my friends, ya got trouble, right here in River City, with a capital T, and that rhymes with P, and that stands for Politics. (With a tip of Robert Preston's hat, a flip of his Music Man baton, and apologies to Meredith Wilson for massaging his wonderful words; somehow I don't think he would have minded.)
Am Not! Are Too! A sandbox squabble? Not quite, but Atmel (NASDAQ $5.24) has a squabble of its own going on. Sometime last fall, when Chairman and CEO George Perlegos got fired by his five independent directors, he said something to the effect that you can't fire me because I already fired you. If you happen to be in Delaware next month, you might want to sit in as the trial gets underway. Maybe the judge will jump up and yell, "And so's your old man."
What's Wrong With This Statement? "David Einhorn, a hedge fund manager, does not play much poker…" By definition, hedge fund managers bet billions every day. Perhaps when Einhorn entered the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas, no one should have been surprised. P.S. He came in 18th and won $650,000. Will he surprise his hedge fund clients share by handing over his winnings?
You Got To Know When To Hold 'Em, Know When To Fold Em… Offshore BetOnSports, buffeted by US charges of illegal Internet gambling, decides to fold, with its ex CEO in jail in St. Louis and the Feds looking around to grab anyone else they can get their hands on. Looks like BOS will take its game to Asia where presumably what they do isn't deemed to be illegal and there are probably a couple billion more gamblers. It might be a good time to take some of your earmarked Lotto money and stick it into BOS stock if it ever trades again (currently suspended by the London Stock Exchange).
Not My Job! This is another holey statement: a study found no evidence that immigrants have taken a large number of jobs from Americans. First of all, define immigrants. Second of all, why did we need a study? If eleven million illegal immigrants have jobs, then illegal immigrants have taken eleven million jobs from Americans. Is that difficult?
Saks Butts Goat Out The Door Cashmere is out, everything else is in, according to Saks, the first name in retailing in the entire universe. Last year Saks had all its bets on the goat wool, and customers balked. Cashmere lined boxing gloves and cashmere skipping ropes apparently didn't sell. Nor did cashmere anything else, at least not enough to keep the happy sounding cash bells ringing. So this year, you Want It, they got it, or so they'd have you believe. Say what you want, it's still the only joint on Fifth Avenue that has a doggie bidet.
Glaxco's Zofran Nausea Drug Causes More Than A Little Nausea Like $70 million worth, the amount Glaxco agreed to pay to settle civil lawsuits accusing it of inflating costs of several medicines, including blockbuster Zofran, this on top of $130 million for ripping of federal health care programs. Glaxco, I'm sure sensing the foul taste of bile rising in its throat, did not admit to wrongdoing, saying similar charges have been filed against many other pharmaceutical companies, like that makes it OK. Pardon me while I puke.
A Billion Bucks For Movie Rentals? Surely This Is A New Pixar Movie. Sadly no, it's true. Movie Gallery (NASDAQ $2.59 – fifty-two week high $22.321), which borrowed more than $1 billion to acquire the Hollywood Video chain, posted an unexpected quarterly loss and hired an investment bank and turnaround specialists to help it revamp. I blame Movie Gallery for saying it had an unexpected loss because anyone who knows what's going on in the movie rental world should only be talking about expected losses, but curiouser, what dummies put up the billion?
Middle East – North Canada's energy exports have buoyed its US trade surplus over the past five years. Canada has the largest pool of oil reserves outside the Middle East, companies are spending billions on pipelines pointed south, and the US is searching for Betsy Ross's great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great granddaughter or anyone else who can sew (likely an illegal immigrant since Americans don't do that kind of work any more) to tack another star on Old Glory. A word, Oh Canada: stay alert for a bald-headed madman and an angry black woman with a dummy.
A Final Word Keep the whole terrorist thing in perspective. For whatever reason or reasons, we've got enemies, but they aren't going to win.
