Friday, March 11, 2005

Again we mourn. We mourn for the four young Royal Canadian Mounted Policemen killed this week in Canada and we mourn for the young men and women of the military killed in armed conflict and we mourn for the all the other men and women and children around the world killed through equally senseless acts. And we will mourn again…and again, until we reach that intellectual Shangri-la where conflicts are dissolved with an elixir of peace and not dumped into boiling cauldrons of hate and fear.
What, no cameras in the courtroom? Not fair! Michael’s trial (and Kobe’s and Scott’s and OJ’s and all the others before that) is costing a bundle; my guess: several hundred millions a pop after you add in the thousands of 24/7 television personalities and grunts. Who pays? You and me, my friends, up the wazoo. Here’s how it works: in addition to taxes (isn’t that where W used to govern?), when TV companies spend a dollar, advertisers are whacked two dollars; when advertisers spend two dollars, working stiffs of the world are whacked four dollars. OK, so now that we’ve established who’s paying for all of this crap, why shouldn’t we get to see every last nanosecond of live coverage: in the court, in the jury room, in the toilet? Besides, law shouldn’t have a hiding place.
“Badges, we don’t got no stinking badges!” (Paraphrased from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.) If it were being written today, it might say, “Badges, we got stinking badges.” It seems two of NYC’s finest have been flashing badges for the mob, killing and kidnapping a few ‘bad fellas,’ all for a few lousy bucks…well, quite a few lousy bucks.
Scientists have discovered a genetic variation tied to age-related macular degeneration, a leading cause of severe vision loss in the elderly. Did you ever think that maybe God intended that old people see less? Hey, we get ugly when we get old. Do we really need to see it better?
Guess who isn’t coming to dinner? Congress is flapping its armpits over steroid use in baseball, sending subpoenas to everyone it can think of…EXCEPT BARRY BONDS?
Psst! Know a good bankruptcy lawyer? Your creditors are paying tons of money so congress can get itself re-elected, provided it first agrees to pass new laws that put you in stocks and bonds (no not those, the others). Final passage is expected in April, likely the ides, perhaps a good day to boot your elected representative’s butt.
So Delta loses $5.2 billion and dumps its pillows. I don’t know about you, but I’ve about had it. We’ve lost gourmet meals served with real silverware, we’ve lost friendly and attractive stews who cared that we existed, we’ve lost ass-wiggle and knee room, we’ve lost olives, we’ve lost really good peanuts, and now horror of horrors, we’ve lost those wonderfully plump, large pillows. What’s next? Oh please, not the blue ‘blankies.’