Bush – Anti-Semantic? Bush talking about the difference between benchmarks and timetables is really nothing more than pushing the blame on the Iraqis for their sad state of affairs. I expect soon the war will be the Iraqi’s fault.

Go Forth and Multiply! Thanks to Uncle Sam restricting Asian condom imports that can be made at half the price, Condom makers in bible belt central, Eufaula, Alabama, despite being hundreds of millions of condoms behind in filling orders (hundred's of millions?), can breathe a sigh of relief; they will keep their subsidized jobs. What that cost is, relative to the cost of an explosion in unwanted births and increased infection from unsafe sex, hasn’t been factored into the equation.

Ta Ta Taurus Some twenty years and seven million cars later the last Taurus chugged from the assembly line in Atlanta. Eighty years earlier, on May 26, 1927, its great, great, great grandfather, the fifteen millionth and last Model T, was made in Highland Park, Michigan. It is interesting to speculate what will be last to roll off a Ford assembly line in another eighty years…perhaps a Ford Toyota.

Elmo Tickles Barbie? TMX Elmo, Mattel’s tenth anniversary Tickle Me Elmo doll producing more tickling sales than expected, has put a smile on Barbie’s face that Ken never accomplished.

Red Meat! Talk about bringing out the jeering jackals and howling hyenas, Kerry misspeak had Rove’s sphincter twitching and salivating as he stormed into the Oval Office with ‘taunting’ sheets for W and Darth Dick and Tony ‘the mouthpiece’ Snow. Surprisingly, they even talked John McCain to stick his square jaw into the fray, one veteran damning the other. For his part, Kerry finally bested Bush by shooting to the top of the Democrats’ most hated list. For our part: same shit, same sandbox.

Baghdad by the Tigris? Did anyone besides me hear a tour operator on TV offering Iraqi vacation packages? I heard it; I can’t believe it. Was it a bad Halloween joke?

Where’s There’s Poke There’s Ire It seems the Reverend Ted Haggart, president of the huge National Association of Evangelicals, pastor of the 14,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs, and a mover and shaker in the anti-gay marriage movement, has been using methamphetamine and paying a male escort for sex for three years according to a public statement made by Mike Jones, the male prostitute involved. A morally outraged Haggart, pleading a set-up, possibly politically motivated, has stepped down from his church positions and is seeking spiritual advice and guidance (don’t they all). Is he guilty? I don’t know, but he seems to be doing a log of guilty things. P.S. Haggart has since admitted buying meth, but says he threw it away. That's lamer than Clinton's not inhaling. He, Haggart that is, denies any sexual involvement, but his story seems to change hourly.

Washington War Crap Bribery, Conspiracy, Rotten Work, Lost Weapons; these are some of the charges against American occupation officials and major companies like Halliburton and Parsons brought by the Office of the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction (OSIG). No problem. Tucked away in the huge military spending bill (approved by Republicans and Democrats alike) that W signed two weeks ago is a provision to jettison OSIG 10/10/07. What in hell is going on in unreality town, and do you continue to doubt whose war this is?

More War and Political Crap: There is speculation that Saddam will be sentenced between now and Tuesday in an attempt to give sagging Republican reelection chances a shot in the arm. I keep wondering when Osama’s capture will be announced.

Curse Cruse! Sumner Redstone’s Paramount, citing Tom’s idiosyncratic behavior and his religion, gives him the axe. Tom, in a giant ‘Up yours Redstone!’ move buys control of United Artists. Paula Wagner, Tom’s long-time producing partner, will be CEO. Now all they have to do is figure out how to reinvent distribution--cell phone-inundated theaters and $10 popcorn are going the way of Betamax and drive-ins.

Corporate Crook Update:
1. Sanjay Kumar, former CEO of Computer Associates (CA), NYSE, was sentenced yesterday to 12 years in the slammer to contemplate orchestrating a $2.2 billion accounting fraud at CA then trying to keep it quiet by bribing witnesses. Seven other CA execs have pled guilty and face time; the company has paid over $200 million in fines. Kumar has to pay $8 million, stamp money compared to the buckets and barrels of cash he earned during his twenty years with CA, including $330 million in 1998. The Puck Stops Here: CA founder Charles Wang, who has thus far dodged prosecutorial slap-shots, and protégé Kumar own the NY Islanders hockey team. I don’t know about you, but I think the NHL ought to take a closer look at its owners.

TGI WednesdayI'll be glad to see the last of Tuesday, but I expect we'll have only about a week of peace before the gas of 'Election 2008' starts polluting the environment.

That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!