The New York Times crossword puzzle today reminded me that Enron, that icon of American corporate morality and fiscal responsibility—where self-enrichment fraud cost innocent employees, not so innocent creditors, and misled shareholders ten plus billions—had a sixty-four page ‘Code of Ethics.’ And we used to think the ₤75,000 International Impac Dublin Literary Award was the richest fiction prize.
Executive crooks at HealthSouth, a paltry $2.7 billion fraud, told the court that the catch phrase for earnings overstatements was ‘dirt,’ referring to 1997’s overstatement as ‘$400 million worth of dirt.’ That ain’t dirt baby.
Did you smell it? Last month, ten former WorldCom directors agreed to pay $18 million from their own pockets—AWW, FROM THEIR OWN POCKETS—to investors who lost money in WorldCom’s failure. Doesn’t it make you warm and tingly all over knowing such goodness exists in American business? Wait a minute. What’s this fine print? The $18 million caps your liability, shifting future claims to others? Peeeuuuuw!
Youngster Bob Schieffer, 68, will take over from Dan Rather (73) on March 9th, when CBS has its ‘get the hell out of our newsroom’ party for the ridiculed Rather. Sumner Redstone, Owner of Viacom, 83, wanted someone older but Mike Wallace, 86, Morley Safer, 73, and Andy Rooney, 100 and something, were busy with Sixty Minutes and AARP for Seniors.
Ever hear of tight end Jeff Thomasen? OK, so who hasn’t? He’s the guy who chucks his hard hat for a helmet to play for injured Eagle, Chad Lewis. Big deal! So he gets to play in the Super Bowl. But, what about Go Daddy? Or Cosentino? Or Career Builder? Or Emerald Nuts. They’re the real stars. They’ll be vying, alongside well known veterans like beer, cars, junk food, and the legal usury folks, a.k.a. credit cards, for top prize in the $4.8 million a minute Ad Bowl. Now that’s a game, but I will miss JJ.
Here’s one you don’t see every day: Tyco’s board gave its finance chief a $50 million severance package weeks after learning he’d stole four bonuses from the company. Was there a secret codicil attached to Exodus 20:15?