China/Microsoft Cancel First Amendment? Knuckling under to pressure from the Chinese government, MSN shut the popular blog site created by Zhao Jing, Bejing blogger and research assistant for the Bejing bureau of the New York Times. A Microsoftie from Seattle said, in a suck-up statement that you really gotta wonder if China dictated, “We think it’s better to be there with our services than not to be there.” Boys and girls, stop worrying about bombs and terrorists—that ain’t what’s going to do us in.

IBM Officially Implements Feudalism Employee Pensions at IBM were frozen this week. Henceforth, serfs, as employees will know be known, will receive bread and water once per day, just outside the castle walls next to the moat. In a related announcement, King George declared three official classes of Americans: the rich, like him; government employees who get full pension and healthcare benefits; and the working class who shall no longer have the right to vote.

Charities ‘R’ US One could almost hear the sucking sound as an avalanche of tainted money from Black Jack Abramoff, disgraced lobbyist, flew from panicked lawmakers’ piggy banks to charities of their choice. Maybe they ought to start a home for crooked politicians right next to the new ‘Lie to Save Your Lawmaker’s Ass’ game show that, according to rumor, Tom DeLay will host.

Our Friends in Washington Update
1. Black Jack Abramoff (has he always worn a black trench coat and fedora or is he, like the Christian crooks who pull out their Bibles and ministers at the first sign of trouble, trying to get us to believe he’s an Orthodox Jew) threw a giant handful of poop into the Washington scandal fan by cutting a deal with prosecutors. Washington lawmakers caught in this downpour of the brown stinky are running for cover faster than rats from a sinking ship, divesting tainted campaign contributions with almost the same alacrity as they took them in. How do they divest the illegal favors?
2. President Bush called thirteen (not a lucky number) former secretaries of state and defense to the White House for a bipartisan meeting. Bush and his usual pals, for forty minutes, said the Iraq war is great. They allotted five to ten minutes in total to hear what their guests had to say and then took pictures in the Oval Office. People, people, people, don’t you know that you will now be blamed for the Iraqi failure, and he’s got proof.

Corporate Mafia - Business As Usual So Enron’s Kenny the Lay Man Lay and Big Skil Skilling finally get a date with justice, scaring American corporations into compliance with the laws of the land. Fuggetaboudit! Nothing’s changed. Corporations continue ripping off America by skirting every law their legal and accounting advisors think they can. Here’s a surefire fix: Buy American products made in America by Americans, all of whom pay required taxes, no offshore hiding of profits or sexy tax straddles. Ever since I met you, all I want to do is dream, dream, dream...

Heads, Playboy; Tails, India Bunny Humping Playboy will stick a fuzzy ear in the Ganges, absent nudes and its trademark title because of India’s laws and general disdain for nudity and public sex. Excuse me: this from the people who, for the last two thousand years, have brought the world thirty-five torrid chapters of Kama Sutra? Is there a KS centerfold? How about a blonde joke of the month?

Management 101 - Wife Bypassed, Cold Shoulder For CEO Here’s the problem: assume you are CEO of a major corporation, your wife holds position that traditionally inherits CEO title, but she doesn’t get selected and resigns. This is what happened when Dow Jones picked its chief operating officer to replace Peter Kann, retiring CEO, bypassing Kann’s spouse, Karen Elliott House, publisher of The Wall Street Journal. Couldn’t they have given her the job for a year? Is that too much to ask? I mean, these people have to live together, now without jobs to go to, figuring out how they are going to tolerate each other 24/7 for the rest of their miserable days.

Corporate Crook Update
1. Scrushy, such a great name for a guy who has more evasive tactics for skirting the law than Tiki Barber has for avoiding bone-crunching tackles, is told to repay $48 million in performance bonuses unjustly received because targets weren’t met. Scrushy’s illegal guys will appeal.


Pat Robertson Speaks Mind, All Of It This guy wins jackass of the century award for suggesting Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s stroke was divine retribution for Israel’s withdrawal from Gaza. News flash Babbling Pat, if there were divine retribution, you would have been dust eons ago.