Memo to Demogrunts and Repulsivans Stop politicking and run the country. So maybe Bush screwed up, but there’s probably a ton of Dems glad they aren’t in the big chair and if not, there are tons of we, the people glad they aren’t. Let’s for a change look after the part of America outside D.C.

Oxymoron: OPEC Largess Funny how with oil prices at record levels OPEC has decided to support the Saudis, you may know them better as Bush’s Middle-Eastern pals, and sell as much oil as consumers want.

Frist First Senator Bill Frist, Senate majority leader, sold some HCA stock (Frist’s family founded HCA) at its peak, just before it nose-dived on bum results. Doest this stink of insider trading or what? I mean, hasn’t he been reading the papers? A lot of his contributors are heading for the slammer for pulling the same trick. Think Martha, Bill—it’s not a good thing.

Questions of the Week
1. If America were Iraq, which of its two political parties would most resemble the Sunnis? Is this a war between our Sunnis and their Sunnis?
2. How is a powerful Iraqi Shiite cleric telling millions of his followers how to vote different from the Religious Right in America telling millions of its followers how to vote, or is it?
3. Memo to Alan Greenspan: Is raising interest rates inflationary?
4. Should French Fries (not because of the name, but because they are increasingly dangerous to our health) be banned or is a warning good enough?

Weekly Citizens’ Award To captain and crew of Jet Blue 292, for giving the world something to cheer.

Weekly Wimp Award Sony, for cutting ten thousand jobs over a paltry $90 million loss. This from a company that says in its 2005 annual report that it “will continue to work to inspire and delight…employees...” Some inspiration; some delight.

Weekly Chutzpah Award To the Catholic church for banning homosexuals from the priesthood.

Don’t Screw With Analysts Glad to see the SEC is warming up to kick Altera’s ass for retaliating against analysts who didn’t roar like bull over the company’s shares. I hope they drop kick them into the next big class action lawsuit, and then we’ll see who roars like bull.

Oh No! Talking Authors? The big O is tired of talking to dead authors. She is now going to interview authors of contemporary works, thus assuring huge sales. So now we have to write and talk? Will an excellent talker with a shitty book get the nod over a shitty talker with an excellent book?

New York Flush - Not so fast. The Spanish, I guess because of their uncommon interest in things scatological, have been picked to provide comfort stations on Manhattan streets, but they don’t seem to have a handle on how to pull it off. Their progress in other countries hasn’t been without stink.

Corporate & Government Crooks Update
1. Three cheers! Tyco’s Kozlowski and Schwartz got eight to twenty-five in a state prison not of their choosing, which means that rather than tennis and golf and intellectual endeavors like conversation with their fellow crooks, they will be toiling at menial tasks like scraping shit from latrines for $1.25 per day. But more significant, they have to pay $240 million in restitution and fines. I hope it ain’t comin’ from the buck-twenty-five per day.
2. For ratting on Lord Black, David Radler will probably get 29 months in a Canadian prison rather than a U.S. prison and pay $250,000 for his part in Hollinger International’s $32 million fraud. Not much of a penalty, but prosecutors better move quickly; Lord Black is sixty-one—he has to have a chance to live out his prison time, not outlive the time it takes to get him there.

Ahh, Monopoly Despite its problems, Amtrak says it hasn’t lost riders. Where did it expect them to go?

Black Mark on White House David Safavian who, until his resignation last week, was a senior White House budget guy, got arrested for lying and obstruction in connection with the FBI’s full court press to nail toppled power broker Jack Abramoff, House majority leader Tom DeLay’s good bud. This whole mess swirling around ‘Lobbyist A,’ as FBI affidavit refers to the unnamed lobbyist (com on, ‘Lobbyist A,’ give me a break), is going to get real sticky and nasty.

Black on Black Critics of the French for pelting the U.S. on its Katrina response seem to be saying that the French believe the U.S. doesn’t care about its black citizens more than France doesn’t care about its black citizens. Cut the crap. This is not color tragedy, this is human tragedy—if one citizen dies because of government failure then government has failed all its citizens.

Private Pension Pirates Opportunistic investors (sharks) in troubled companies are dumping pension obligations on the government and then, absent the burden, selling for huge profits. If you don’t like it, you’d better say something or your kids will have another giant tax bill to pay. My guess: by the year 2,000, the U.S. will have the highest tax rate in the world, except for the rich, the cheats, and the manipulators, who might be indistinguishable.